tradition and our culture

I am from Chirumanzu and I speak Karanga. I am proud of who I am and where I come from. After almost eight years in Harare, I still speak Chikaranga. I have friends and colleagues who laugh at the way I speak but this is inherently who I am. It is not necessarily a bad thing but only a reflection of lack of understanding. This is the same way we have been treating aspects of our culture and tradition.

With colonialism came urbanisation and with urbanisation came the fracturing of the very fabric of our society. Some went to towns never to return to the rural homesteads. They adopted a different kind of culture and brought forth a different breed of children. But these same people when they got married wanted to get married the traditional way. When the women got pregnant, they observed traditional rites for pregnant women. When babies were born, they wanted them welcomed into the world the traditional way. When they got sick, they consulted the traditional healers as well as the doctors. After a few generations some traditional practises lost meaning and relevance. They are performed because it is expected but there is no understanding of the purpose of the said rituals. Some even shun traditional ceremonies because they associate them with evil.

What I find annoying is the way we have trivialised our own culture. Some of us associate traditional practises with devil worship and satanic rituals. These same people point out the evils of our culture as if modernity itself is devoid of evil. Traditional practises like the killing of twins and albinos lost relevance and died off by themselves. This was because they did not benefit anyone other than the champions of the said practises and saw a way of keeping people in subjection. Modernity itself is fraught with evil; prostitution, abandoned babies, promiscuity and greed. There has been no concerted effort to curb these evils.

I urge those people who demonise our culture to understand it first before they make a decision to say bad things about it.

peace,

fadz

What your mother never told you

So up to now my experiences in life have mostly been accidents, mistakes and everything in between. Each time when i think that I cannot be surprised anymore, some fresh little horror (or not) smacks me right between my eyes and I am surprised all over again. Mothers instead of telling and showing you what life is really like, spend most of their time shielding you. They never tell you what to expect and you spend your life making new discoveries everyday, and here are some of the things your mother never told you.

1. Life is insane
The pressures of life will eventually get you down if you are not strong. You will eat and drink yourself into an early grave to deal with those pressures. You will become a victim of other people who see every opportunity to exploit you. If you feel inadequate you will become a slave of prophets (false and real). If your mother mollycoddled you, you are up the creek without a paddle!

2. You cannot always have your own way
So to get my own way I always threw a tantrum and I eventually got my way. Mother to shut me up always let me have my way. But life is not always so giving. You can not throw a tantrum and get away with it; you might end up in a mental hospital if people feel a bit cruel! And not everyone feels inclined to listen to your whining. And no amount of stamping your feet or thrashing in the sand will make them feel otherwise.


3. People are not trustworthy
When I grew up I had a rude awakening; I discovered that people are not always trustworthy. If you do not want anything repeated to anyone else, better not say anything to anyone at all. A secret is only kept by one person. A secret shared is a public secret and you just might get into fist fights and verbal lashings because of it. So treat everyone with a large dose of distrust because you do not know what they do once they have left you. And in - laws do not really like you you know, they always take care of their own. If you tell them your problems your are just giving them fodder to laugh about you. They rejoice in your misery.


4. There are other people much cleverer than you
There was a time when my grandmother thought I was a bright spark and talked about me with pride and joy. I felt I was the cleverest person on earth. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was not the only one who was clever and that there were other cleverer people! The shock of disappointment can put a strong man to bed with chills. So get a grip don't expect to be the centre of the universe all the time.


5. You are all alone
I never could understand why my mother said I should have plenty of kids because they are my real relatives. Mothers never tell you that life is a lonely affair, you come out alone and go out alone after encounters with other lone people. Funny how the natural laws always surprise you. As a child you rely on your parents and as you grow older, you rely on your children but never your other relatives (well most of the time). It's a vertical affair. And in this insane world this is a scary affair.

6. How to survive marriage
Marriage is hard enough with it not being demystified. You are just told you have to be strong and fight for you relationship. You have to be like a soldier. They never tell you that you have to fight constant battles of wills not just with you partner but with everyone around and the exercise is tiring.


7. Puberty
Puberty was a surprise for most people my generation. If you did not hear your cheeky friends talking about it, then it was a shameful embarrassing secret that scarred you for life. This might explain all those body issues you still have. I am sure there are still some of us who do not know how their bodies work and are not even sure what is normal and what is not. There are some who still believe you cannot get pregnant the first time!

8. High school is never over!
So you think that since you have completed your A' levels the pains and pressures of high school are over. Wrong. Think again. High school is never over. The bullies follow you to the workplace and everywhere else in life. The dull, insensitive and gossip mongers follow you everywhere. And they have more experience. However you survived high school, you are going to keep honing those survival skills

9. Keeping secrets
Secrets have a way of ruining lives and dreams. Keeping them is even harder. you are told that it is unseemly to tell other people your secrets, that you should deal with them on your own or pray (no one ever admits that it is really difficult to pray on your own when you feel that you are being swamped). Dealing on your own is responsible for all the deaths attributed to hypertension, and stroke. There are family secrets which are only known by the elders; you are told you should not associate with certain relatives but are never told why. Always remember there are family secrets that you might not be privy to.


Life is full of surprises if you are not equipped for it, so make sure that those you are responsible for are not caught unawares like we were.

peace,

fadz

why we are not progressing

My A' Level literature class this year is studying Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie a Nigerian writer who brings to the page a kind of lyricism which is reminiscent of Ngugi wa Thiongo and Chinua Achebe. I was enthralled right up to the last page; she wove the story so intricately in idiomatic English that I could relate to. The story brought to the fore the reasons why as Africans we have failed to progress and eradicate poverty.

1. Tribalism
Whichever country on the continent you go to, the country is always divided along tribal lines. The massacre in Rwanda in 1994 was because of failure to understand each other as tribes of one country, the call for a separate state of Matebeleland in Zimbabwe is because of suspicion and failure to get along as one nation. Tribal polarisation is the root of all the ills in our country.
 
2. Jealousy
The green - eyed monster has been at the centre of the hoarding, defrauding and sabotaging of local infrastructure, personal injury and fatalities when we are faced with the senseless behaviour which we occasionally engaged in in the past but which of late has been a regular alarming occurrence.

3. Religious polarisation
Whilst we talk of religious tolerance, we still have a long way to go. We need to start practising what we preach and our church leaders need to be tolerant and considerate people. We need to live together in harmony with no prejudice.

4. Selfishness 
I have noticed that Zimbabweans behave like crabs, always pulling each other down (although this is also true of other parts of the world). The moment we start thinking about how our actions affect the person next to us and how we can make the world a better place, we will become less selfish.

peace,

fadz

what you should do if you are planning a wedding

I am not a wedding planner but I have gone to enough weddings to know just how to cut those corners and ensure you do not have a raging headache on your wedding day.

1. Plan well in advance.
It is never a good idea to do a rush job. You will end up missing the most essential bits of  your plan. Chances are you will end up spoiling everything. Remember a  wedding is a show and you want to put on a good show.

2. Buy your wedding gown online.
China offers the cheapest wedding gowns all over. In stead of splashing pockets of money on a dress you will only wear once which you can get elsewhere at a fraction of the price why not visit Aliexpress and associated websites to get the best deal on the wedding gown. Do not settle for a dress which is ill fitting and outdated because you cannot afford to buy it new.


3. Have a guest list and stick to it.
It is all very well to invite everyone to share your happiness on your day of bliss but there has to be some plan. Know the estimated number of attendees, insist on RSVPs and plan the seating so there is no confusion. Plan that the relatives who might cause each other gbh are as far away from each other as possible. Little place cards which you can make yourself will lend a personal touch to your wedding.

4. Shop for the best but cheapest cake.
Individual cake makers offer the best deals as you only have to deal with the one person. You can negotiate the price and still get the best deal. Do not settle for the cheap inferior cake. Find one that is affordable but still the best. And remember everyone wants to take a piece of cake home, not the tiny melt-on-your-tongue pieces that are sometimes given at weddings. So make a plan about lots of cake for parcels.

5. Find a venue which has a bar area as well as a play area.
Most people want a drink at a wedding (not the non alcoholic variety) and a dry bar will chase away most people early. Have a bar area where those who want to drink can do so freely. And do not stipulate a no children rule. With the help the way it is right now it is not possible to go a wedding where there are no children allowed. So a play area with the necessary equipment to keep the totfans busy is essential.

6. Have an evening wedding.
This is by far the best idea; you entertain people for a short specific time and save yourself the headache of getting ready for the wedding. You can look your best and not worry about the mascara running well before time. and face it, you only have to feed people two meals and entertain them for a short period. How cool is that?

peace,

fadz

Recycle, make a difference

Many people do not understand that going green is for the benefit of everyone. Zimbabweans are sceptical about recycling. We mostly want to know how it will translate into a personal benefit. And we think wasting shows we have accumulated the necessary bit of wealth to show that we are no longer needy. Following the 3 Rs (reduce, reuse, recycle) will benefit everyone individually and communally.

Recycling has a lot of benefits inclusive of the fact that it will save you pockets of money.

1 saves energy
Imagine cutting you energy bill in half! Use energy savers for lighting (they are pricey; ranging from $2 for the cheapest and around $8 for the most expensive but the cost is offset by the longer lifespan as compared to the standard light bulbs which do not last at all!) and switch off unnecessary lighting, geysers and pool pumps when not in use.

2. Reduces the need for landfills and incineration
Our streets have become eyesores because the refuse collectors do not collect the waste, or when they do they do so in an unsatisfactory manner leaving debris from the waste in their wake. A visit by the refuse collector leaves the streets looking at times as if a whirlwind has just passed through. Now if we recycle, reuse and reduce, we will no longer need to pinch our noses when we pass by dumpsters or the sanitary lanes. Everything we use will be used over and over again. We do away with non recycle able plastics and take away the need of incineration which pollutes the air.

3 Increases the protection and expansion of manufacturing jobs and increases competitiveness.
More jobs and more competitive products in the market. Need I say more?

4. Decreases emissions of greenhouse gases.
Has anyone noticed how hot it has been of late? Cripplingly tiring hot? It is because of those greenhouse gases we have been talking about for years. Global warming has become an environmental problematic event that is both worrying and debilitating. And it is sad that global warming affects the poorest people hardest.

5. Prevents pollution from virgin materials and conserves natural resources
Virgin materials often lend to a certain extent of pollution of the environment and recycling means the pollution is reduced and we also conserve the environment for future generations. Planting 3 trees to replaces one cut down will ensure that we keep at bay desertification and ensure our forests are not depleted.

There are things you can do to help in your own small way to ensure that we conserve the environment.

a) The car
Replace your petrol-guzzling car with one that is more fuel efficient or one that uses less fuel. A Toyota March is a good example of a fuel efficient car. Whilst you might love showing off in that powerful monster engine, you are not doing anyone any good least of all yourself. When cleaning the said car, find a green option to hosing your car down.

b) The home
Use less energy, if you can afford it install a solar energy system in your home. Reuse water; plant a herb or vegetable garden to ensure that you do not waste used water. Do not do laundry, brush teeth or clean dishes under a running tap. Find a suitable receptacle to store the water. Find a reusable shopping bag (cloth bags are best or paper bags) and ditch the plastic bags which cost you money and harm the environment.

c) The workplace
Recycle paper, reuse. collect all paper that is no longer needed for recycling. Reduce the paper trail. Print only the much needed documentation, digitise everything else. You save space, and you reduce your stationary bill!

Visit the iWARM website for the individual waste reduction model and earth911 and the recycling guide on tips how to recycle.

Waste not, want not.

peace,

fadz

why men get caught most of the time

When women decide to cheat, they do so for various reasons. It could be out of revenge, to find love, sex, attention, money or appreciation. This might seem to the emotionally uneducated, nonsensical even stupid but it could be the reason why a woman strays. It takes a while for a woman to be found out and this is mainly because women when they do decide to keep a secret they can keep it. Men on the other hand cannot. Yes there are some who think they are very good at keeping a secret but really you are not. The moment that secret is kept by three people it is no longer a secret (you, the woman and your best friend).

Men have a pack mentality and constantly need to show off to other males and in doing so, also show their partners that something is amiss. This will manifest in an attitude that i-have-something-good-going-on-these-days. Afoot. They start behaving out of character: buying new shoes, new clothes, new cologne to impress, becoming violent and lying for no reason. Some even go to the extent of being paranoid about their phones: if they are in the bath they either take the phone with, or they switch it off and you can not switch it on because there is a security code you do not know.

I know of men who take their phones into the car or the garage or away from the house. One guy once ran naked out of the bathroom with rivulets of soap and water streaming down his body because his phone rang and his wife answered. If it had not been so sad, it would have been hilarious.

Men cannot help it. They longer they 'keep' the deception, the more reckless they become. and if they are not caught they think they are very clever. Women know when their men are cheating and they turn a blind eye because they do not want to rock the boat.

Like I said before, cheating is never good. Tell the other person that you have bigamist tendencies so they know what they are in for. No heartbreak, no pressure.


peace,

fadz

Why women will not leave.

Women are totally demented? Sometimes but there is a logic to the madness. 

A man cheats, fornicates, abuses the woman and children, lacks appreciation, take the woman for granted or gamble but a woman in most cases does not leave. If a woman cheats, the man will promptly give her her marching orders. There are some men who will leave or kick out a woman for being boring (after 20 years of marriage).

What makes it impossible for Zimbabwean woman to leave unhealthy unfulfilled relationships?

The answer lies in the way our culture has constantly sought to bring a woman down. Until recently most families chose to send only the boy children to school. It was believed that sending a girl to school would only enrich the family which she was going to be married into. Never mind that the same said family would take pains to take care of them should their daughter be a satisfactory wife.

When my father (a very progressive man) send me for A' Level the village was in an uproar. Everyone thought my father was acting in the most stupid manner possible. Some predicted I would get pregnant  by the end of my fifth year. Sadly everyone was disappointed.

It is that kind of mentality which has seen women become dependent and lack financial independence to stand on their own. With too little or no education it has become impossible for women to get well paying jobs. As a result women do not leave their unsatisfactory partners because they are afraid of failing to take care of themselves and their children. Some know that with what they earn they will not be able to maintain the lifestyle that they are used to.

There is also a stigma that is attached to women who do not have partners. All married women view them as a threat. Single mothers also become the target of lechers and all sorts because all men think they are easy and begging for it. The failure that is synonymous with dissolution of a marriage follows a woman everywhere and some women would rather deal with an abusive husband than face the loaded looks and condescending smiles that society gives them. Mostly from other women.

So it becomes easier to just grin and bear through the heartache.

It is sad that women are objectified because they were not equipped with the necessary skills to survive in the jungle that our lives have become.

So make a difference; send a girl (even one who is not related to you) to school and make a difference in her life.

peace,

fadz.