People have an inherent need to belong and feel loved. This need is fulfilled by strong intimate relationship we forge as adults. As young adults, we look for Mr/Miss Right. We look and look until we realise that what we are looking for is akin to the holy grail. Then we settle for Mr/Miss right now. It is when we become desperate and are tired of looking that we might end up thinking we are in a relationship when we are not. You might think you are in a relationship when you are not for mainly two reasons.
1. You are desperate
You will believe anything and will see anything you want to see. You ignore signs which show that the other person is not really interested. You view their disinterest as if they are busy with other 'stuff'. All your friends are married with kids and you feel left out. They have schedules which involve partners when you do not even have one. Your relatives keep hinting that you are over the hill and feel pressured to just get someone. Anyone who shows a bit of interest and is passable will do. Which means you might end up with someone totally unsuited to your temperament and you will regret for the rest of your life.
2. You are not communicating
When someone says they are not ready to have a relationship then do not force them as you will end up having a relationship with yourself. When they introduce you to their friends (when they finally do) you are just a friend. That should tell you. You want commitment and they just want to fool around. You keep turning up at their place but they never come to visit you, not even when you pretend to be ill. If you do not call or text them, then there will be no communication. They never reply your emails, not even the hilarious ones. If you do not do any pushing nothing happens. You think you have a relationship and they think you are just friends.
It is best to sit down and really assess whether you are with someone or you are just clinging to them like a limpet. There is never a timeline to finding the one to spend the rest of your life with.
peace,
fadz
1. You are desperate
You will believe anything and will see anything you want to see. You ignore signs which show that the other person is not really interested. You view their disinterest as if they are busy with other 'stuff'. All your friends are married with kids and you feel left out. They have schedules which involve partners when you do not even have one. Your relatives keep hinting that you are over the hill and feel pressured to just get someone. Anyone who shows a bit of interest and is passable will do. Which means you might end up with someone totally unsuited to your temperament and you will regret for the rest of your life.
2. You are not communicating
When someone says they are not ready to have a relationship then do not force them as you will end up having a relationship with yourself. When they introduce you to their friends (when they finally do) you are just a friend. That should tell you. You want commitment and they just want to fool around. You keep turning up at their place but they never come to visit you, not even when you pretend to be ill. If you do not call or text them, then there will be no communication. They never reply your emails, not even the hilarious ones. If you do not do any pushing nothing happens. You think you have a relationship and they think you are just friends.
It is best to sit down and really assess whether you are with someone or you are just clinging to them like a limpet. There is never a timeline to finding the one to spend the rest of your life with.
peace,
fadz
Hi Fadzai, Thanks so Much for a great blog. Its a pleasure to see a level headed blogger from Zimbabwe writing about issues that affect us everyday and yet are never in the newspaper columns.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more that people enter relationships for the simple reason of being there whether they want to or not.
Recently through my blog www.imakandomusho.com,I got an email from a young man from Europe who had to enter into a relationship to dispel gay rumors about him. The relationship has turned abusive but he cant leave because he is scared that the same thing that happened a few years ago will happen again.
I always tell people that being in a relationship is not the ultimate goal of life. Hell, marriage and having kids are not even at number one. Its time people stop following what society has termed normal, dare to be different and fulfill the purpose and plan that the universe has for them. That way, we can avoid a lot of heartbreaks that people suffer everyday, the stress and depression related to it, and the abusiveness that lavishly dots the relationship landscape.
Imakando Musho
Hi Imakando Musho. Thank you for the support. It feels good to know there are people who do actually read what I write. It is sad how people spend their time worrying about making other people happy when they are not happy themselves. They never do anything because it makes them feel good. I hope there will come a time when Zimbabweans will learn to choose what makes them happy. It is only then that we can move forward as a nation.
ReplyDelete