My father once said that people should be more honest at funerals because the dead don't sue. At funerals we lie because we do not want to speak ill of the dead. That is when it starts. Before the year is out, no one will remember the bad done by the dearly departed. Maybe it is a sense of self preservation, purely selfish reasons (we do not want people to say bad things about us when we die) or we cannot get past our pain to acknowledge that our dearly departed did bad things in their short (or not so short) life. Whatever the reasons, we lie to our selves and to everyone around us.
Someone told me that the relationships that we have today are because of the things that were never said. Wow. So who wants relationships based on lies? Certainly not me. I would rather someone told me the truth about how they feel about me. That is what I do. It's better that way; you won't constantly visit me if you know I find you exceedingly annoying. And there won't be any whispered confessions at a dark corner or the water cooler. This constant tiptoeing around people's feelings and perceived mental states like it is a minefield is rather tedious.
When you discover that say your husband has been cheating on you; those times when he said he had to work, had to go out of town on business, he was actually getting it on with another woman, everything that he ever said to you becomes suspect. When he said he loved you, he was lying. When he said he had to see someone about a deal, he was lying. When he supposedly went to visit his sick co worker he was lying. You can never trust them again.
People lie for a variety of reasons.
1. Self preservation. Some people believe if they lie, they will get into less trouble. I learnt at an early age that it was much better to tell my mother the truth, than to let her extract it out of you. Much less traumatic.
2. Fear. OK so maybe you view the person you are lying to as a big bad wolf; what are you doing in their orbit? Get a life and move away from them.
3. To seek attention. While we might feel sorry for you when we discover that you lied about your relationship to the popular so and so, we will reject you eventually which is not you were looking for in the first place. We will like you for being who you are. If not there might be somebody who just might or you could see a therapist.
4. To get out of doing something. If you say you don't want to come to my party because maybe it just not your thing or because you do not feel like it, I might be hurt but I will get over it.
5. Because you want to be lied to. When someone lies to you and you enjoy it they are bound to lie to you all the time.
People tie themselves in knots lying and if you are like me you will just watch until they collapse from their efforts. Much more fun than to let them fool you. You let them spin the yarn and spin it and spin it and spin it making a fool of themselves each time. And you can tell a person is lying if they do a combination of any of the following;
1. they cannot look you in the eye
2. they keep repeating the story they told you about why they did what they did
3. you do not ask them why they are late and they offer unsolicited answers to unasked questions
4. they sound just a tiny bit defensive when you ask why they did what they did or why they did not do what they were supposed to do
5. they say they did not eat the jam when they have jam streaking their lips.
But every once in a while you get the pathological liars whose hearts do not start beating faster just as they start lying but you know even then. While on average people lie upwards of once every 3 minutes, there are people who lie so much that they can no longer tell the truth. They even begin to believe the lies. How sad!
The bottom line is we lie and get lied to because we enjoy it. Don't be ashamed if you get caught in a lie, my Level teacher Mr Chivhungwa was fond of saying if its shameful don't do it!
peace,
fadz
Someone told me that the relationships that we have today are because of the things that were never said. Wow. So who wants relationships based on lies? Certainly not me. I would rather someone told me the truth about how they feel about me. That is what I do. It's better that way; you won't constantly visit me if you know I find you exceedingly annoying. And there won't be any whispered confessions at a dark corner or the water cooler. This constant tiptoeing around people's feelings and perceived mental states like it is a minefield is rather tedious.
When you discover that say your husband has been cheating on you; those times when he said he had to work, had to go out of town on business, he was actually getting it on with another woman, everything that he ever said to you becomes suspect. When he said he loved you, he was lying. When he said he had to see someone about a deal, he was lying. When he supposedly went to visit his sick co worker he was lying. You can never trust them again.
People lie for a variety of reasons.
1. Self preservation. Some people believe if they lie, they will get into less trouble. I learnt at an early age that it was much better to tell my mother the truth, than to let her extract it out of you. Much less traumatic.
2. Fear. OK so maybe you view the person you are lying to as a big bad wolf; what are you doing in their orbit? Get a life and move away from them.
3. To seek attention. While we might feel sorry for you when we discover that you lied about your relationship to the popular so and so, we will reject you eventually which is not you were looking for in the first place. We will like you for being who you are. If not there might be somebody who just might or you could see a therapist.
4. To get out of doing something. If you say you don't want to come to my party because maybe it just not your thing or because you do not feel like it, I might be hurt but I will get over it.
5. Because you want to be lied to. When someone lies to you and you enjoy it they are bound to lie to you all the time.
People tie themselves in knots lying and if you are like me you will just watch until they collapse from their efforts. Much more fun than to let them fool you. You let them spin the yarn and spin it and spin it and spin it making a fool of themselves each time. And you can tell a person is lying if they do a combination of any of the following;
1. they cannot look you in the eye
2. they keep repeating the story they told you about why they did what they did
3. you do not ask them why they are late and they offer unsolicited answers to unasked questions
4. they sound just a tiny bit defensive when you ask why they did what they did or why they did not do what they were supposed to do
5. they say they did not eat the jam when they have jam streaking their lips.
But every once in a while you get the pathological liars whose hearts do not start beating faster just as they start lying but you know even then. While on average people lie upwards of once every 3 minutes, there are people who lie so much that they can no longer tell the truth. They even begin to believe the lies. How sad!
The bottom line is we lie and get lied to because we enjoy it. Don't be ashamed if you get caught in a lie, my Level teacher Mr Chivhungwa was fond of saying if its shameful don't do it!
peace,
fadz
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