'driving miss daisy'

Today's post was going to be about random confessions but somehow did not know where to start. The confessional escaped me somehow. So. I. Decided. To. Write. About. My. Pet topic. Driving.

It has been raining sporadically for the past few weeks. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it doesn't. Like now it is pouring buckets outside. Now the kind of rain in which you can wear a raincoat or you can shield yourself from with an umbrella. No. The kind where if you are herding cattle you have no hope of escaping. Not even hiding under a tree will save you.

Anyway, driving now is an absolute nightmare. The roads are bad. Super bad. And the drivers, freaking awesomely horrendous. Like I said before; something happens to the psyche of the Harare driver the moment it looks like rain. Add to that, passenger drivers. And it just about makes my day.

I have a friend Nyarie who loves driving from the back. Oh she is precious! Directs me if I am backing out of the parking lot (she must have had a nasty experience because that girl is AFRAID of crashing! she is even afraid of crossing busy roads). She does her backseat driving with charm and in an endearing way. So I do not get annoyed.

Then there are others who say, "can't you go any faster?" like I freaking can in downtown traffic! Others who tell you to change the lane because "it will be easier to turn into such and such road". Or that you are not shifting fast enough. Or grinding the gears. Or you are not stepping on the clutch hard enough. Then they tell you to watch out for that blue truck with the crazy looking driver. Like I have no eyes! Like they even have driver's licences!


Driving my mom is never easy. She will be tense the whole trip looking suspiciously at me until I feel I am growing a second head. It ruins my concentration and I become a bad driver once I notice that I am being watched. I had problems concentrating and focusing on anything for a long time as a child (probably what they now call ADHD) so mom is justified in her fear of me behind the wheel.

There are several people who terrify me if I am driving and if they (the frighteners) start any backseat driving, I simply unravel. Which is NOT a good thing in downtown traffic. We will be lucky to get where ever we are going in one piece!

So if you are going to do any backseat driving and I am the driver, have mercy and love your life. Tell me nicely that there is a kombi which is about to ram into me. I am a basket of nerves before you shout. What do you think I will be after you have shouted at me?

Be nice like Nyarie.

peace,

fadz

our merry faces on, ok lets get into it

Expectations and reality never meet. they are not good friends at all. reality spends half his time bursting expectations' bubble. heck reality spends so much time in our faces that I sometimes wonder that we have expectations at all.

relationships are hard work without adding the stress of whether the other people in your sphere are behaving the way you expect them to, saying what is expected of them.

familial relationship are not hard; you grew up with your sloppy cousins, your terrifying aunt, and your pervert of a cousin. you know what to expect and there are no surprises there. you can choose to ignore the annoying cousin with the 'sticky' fingers and keep your purse close to your person. there might be someone who will take offence but hey who cares, we are all one big family.


relationships with people at work are harder than the family stuff. you get the in your face colleagues who do not let up if you do let them have their own way. the feds who spy on others and tell tales to the big bosses (I really hate these; I really freaking do! cant get anywhere stepping on other people - becomes messy when you fall from grace), the goody two shoes who think the sun shines out of their **** they being the righteous ones and all.

intimate relationships are rather difficult and are the sole cause of poor performance at work. you swear to love one another until death does you part. these are the people we have chosen to spend the rest of our lives with. we did not grow up with these people and it is going to take us years to know them enough so you are not totally mystified when they act out of character. we feel fated to be in these relationships. there is no such thing as fate. there are no miracles. no great cosmic plan that is going to be revealed to you.

so with the holidays knocking insistently on our doors, the time has come for the panic attacks, the summoning of fountains of patience and the bottomless supply of smiles because with Christmas parties at work (or not), family gatherings if you do not psyche yourself into having fun, you are going to have a miserable time of it.

peace,

fadz

countdown to christmas

We are almost there; that time of the year when we celebrate the birth of Christ (if you are christian that is). Christmas was a big deal when we were growing up. When we celebrated the occasion at the rural homestead it was an even bigger deal. It meant two sets of new clothes and new shoes for Christmas and new year. Mountains of bread (slathered with sun jam [no marmalade or some such spreads - we had not acquired the taste]), gallons of tea, lots of soft drinks, vetkoeks, balloons, sweets, rice and sometimes lots of beef or goat meat. Oh it was fun! We would wake up in the morning, have tea, then the rest of the food around lunch time. The gramophone (the kind which always looked like a briefcase, came in funny colours and was battery operated [my parents still have one]) would be brought out and we would dance to some music before going visiting. We would get more food at each of the homestead we visited. Then we would end up at the growth point dancing to music.

There was a sense of community which was gratifying and amazing. I knew almost all my relatives and was close to most of my cousins. Now it is a different story; our kids do not know all their relatives. Christmas is spent where it is convenient and we no longer spend Christmas as the huge extended families like we used to. it is almost an ordinary day.

There are those who argue that Christmas like valentine and Easter are machinations of the retailers who want to strip us of our hard earned money. It might be true which is why it is never a good idea to do your shopping in December. But I still feel that we have neglected Christmas. It is not the food, or the new clothes but the coming together as families and having a roaring good time that is important.

And this year things do not look promising either. People are buried in debt [what with the loans the banks were giving left right and centre], prices have gone up and we have grown selfish. I know there is no disposable income but how about pooling resources as families and celebrate Christmas together? I have not felt christmassy for a long time and I really miss it. Forget the family bickering and trauma that this holiday brings and just enjoy it!

peace,

fadz

giving with joy

Our lives have become so frenetic that we find it very difficult to pause and take stock of what is going on around us. We have become engrossed in taking care of number 1 and our own forgetting that there are others who might really need our help. Now most people think help is only given in the form of money but a friendly gesture, a smile goes a long way. Just pausing in your rush for the elusive dollar to shake someones hand will reaffirm their belief in the existence of God. It takes nothing from you and you get a lot of blessings in return.

I was humbled by the students at Speciss College Chitepo High School who led by Larnce Paulser and accompanied by four tutors (I was one of the four) and the Director of studies Mrs Mutepfa, went to Streets Ahead and Mashambanzou Care Trust to donate clothes and foodstuffs. The students had rallied and collected clothes, food and hygiene products. It was really interesting to see how willing children are to give. But this really works if there is support from home. Larnce's parents really got into and collected donations from their workplaces. Premier milling represented on the day by Fiona Evershed the sales and marketing manager, deserves a special mention here for the support they gave towards the venture.

The visit to Streets Ahead was short as we did not get to meet any of the beneficiaries of the donations. The one to Mashambanzou though was an eye opener; interesting, educational and slightly disturbing. But not in a bad way.

The Care Centre was established in 1989 by Sr Noleen Nolan of the LCM sisters. At present it is located at 40 Sandown Road in the tranquil neighbourhood of Waterfalls Harare. It provides holistic care for people living with HIV/AIDS.

We were welcomed by Mr Basikiti the donations coordinator. I had the idea that we would hand over the donations greet the patients and then be on our way. 40 minutes tops. But Mr Basikiti and his colleagues had a different plan and we ended up staying for more than 2 hours; the most educational 2 hours I have ever spent.

In the shed before the slideshow

 We were shown a slide-show of people suffering from STI's and HIV/AIDS. The images which we were warned were not for those with a nervous disposition were unsettling and reminded us of the 1990s when the same said images were the order of the day and we ran for the hills. The slide show reminded me of the documentary Aids in the tropics which used to shown to college students a long time ago. Whilst we were watching the slide show a patient died.With the advent of ARVs those sights are a thing of the past. Or so I thought. It is clear that the people are still careless and irresponsible with their lives and the lives of the innocent. We no longer run for the hills because we do not see  people dying from the virus that much anymore. Everyone looks healthy and we have forgotten the most immediate past. The sufferers are now the ones disappearing to fight the disease in solitude and it is places like Mashambanzou which grant sufferers a place to heal and regain their dignity.

We were not allowed to take pictures of the patients and understandably so. It would violate the need for privacy of the patients and subject them to unwarranted attention; there is still a lot of stigma attached to the disease. I was rudely made aware that people's behaviour has not changed at all and there is need for some drastic action to curb the spread of the disease.

 The children were disappointed that they never got to see any kids but that was not necessarily a bad thing; children always suffer more in the clutches of HIV/AIDS.

The handing over of donations

 The donations were handed over and we went on our way. I left with mixed feelings; happy about the change the students had made in their lives and those of others and sad and angry at the same time because people are still unaware of the implications of their behaviour. There is serious need for behaviour change and I strongly believe the National AIDS Council is not doing its job properly. Companies should also fulfil their social responsibility by making the public aware of the implications of their behaviour as well as take a leaf from Premier Milling and give with joy.

The journey meant only to give the donations became a learning experience for everyone who was on that bus. Giving with joy is stronger than prayer sometimes!

Mrs Mutepfa handing over the donations

Fiona Evershed, Mrs Paulser, Mrs Mutepfa and the Mashambanzou rep

A fruitful partnership!       

The donations

Mrs Mavhengere, Mrs Paulser and yours truly

Mrs Mavhengere and Mrs Mutepfa

The students who made it possible

Larnce Paulser, F Muchemwa and Mrs Mavhengere

A photo opportunity

When you have done something wonderful there is cause for celebration.

The party at school the next day.

Even the tutors enjoyed the juice and biscuits!

Mrs Mavhengere and Mrs Mutepfa

Eric Gumbie, S Gumbo, Nyari Huchu, Mr Masvosva

democratic parenting?

The most difficult job you can ever have is becoming a parent. You become responsible for most part for another human being who will depend solely on you for a time. Children are the easiest when they are tiny tots. They turn 5 and all hell breaks loose. They become little individuals with minds of their own and refuse to listen to you. It becomes an uphill struggle from then on, which becomes one that might require the relief of medication when they become teenagers.

This is compounded by the fact that today children have an arsenal at their disposal to torture you with. The technology is just dumbfounding and frightening. The other day my students were talking about chat rooms which they deemed unsafe for youngsters and I decided to check them out. I was alarmed by what I discovered: there is no protection of minors from preying perverts. There are chat rooms where you have to be 18 to enter but there is no strict streaming of participants to ensure that they really are 18 and over. There is a warning given before entering any chat room on mxit that participants should not give out personal information but I discovered that they rarely take heed of the warning. On 2go anyone can enter any chat room; there are no restrictions.

Children do what their friends are doing and it is essential to ensure that your children do not keep with the wrong crowd. Which begs the question: should you choose who your kids play and hang out with and monitor what they do? There are parents who let their kids run wild; doing what they want, picking up nasty habits and language. You children become what you let them be. If you let them hang around arsonists, no good losers, addicts of all sorts then you shouldn't be surprised if they turn out to be little parasites you can never get rid of.

peace,

fadz

Fear, batty and beyond

Fear.

A four letter word with a lot of connotations.

Fear is what drives us as adults. We finish school, leave home and become responsible for ourselves. It is not especially hard or fearful then. There is the option of going back home to stay if we fail to get our act together. Which is why some cling to the bachelorhood/spinisterhood state with such tenacity. We are afraid of failure and want to keep our options open.

There are some of us who are fearless and take the plunge as soon as we can. Once you have done this you have burned your bridges and the fear of failure is a palpable thing. Going back home after a failed starter marriage is never an option; you just need to move on without going back to the family home. Once you have gone back, you will be labelled a failure and most parents are not too keen on return soldiers (women who have divorced). For men it is better but you lose the status you earned the moment you got married; noone does anything special for you and they ingore you at family functions unless someone takes pity on you. You will need to re earn the priviledges that come with marriage.

People fear change as it is unpredictable and might upset their lives. They fear anything new which they do not understand. It is easy to disciminate and persecute anything new because its existance might upset the chain of being. People are afraid of failure.

It is that fear that keeps people in unhealthy relationships, unsatisfactory jobs and unfulfilling lives. It is that fear which keeps everyone firmly entrenched in their illogical views. It is especially so for christians. There are times when my fellows christians shame me and make me so mad I want to climb walls. The emergence of multi-belief societies is frightening to christians and give rise to bigotry. It is interesting that while the Bible mentions money and in particular the exploitation of the poor far more than sex, christians concentrate more on the sex and sexuality. Why not concentrate on alleviating poverty and ensuring that every child gets a basic education?

Perhaps it is because that christianity, in particular its conventional sects, is on the decline. What with its ultra right views and blatant bigotry, christianity is no longer the drug of choice. And it is no longer the only available opium of the masses. There are other religions and new emerging sects of christianity which are more appealing and accepting of the shortcomings of the people. Perhaps it is the fear of extinction that has christians ranting about the "gaystapo' and forgetting that in persecuting others when they believe that they are in the right, they are further alienating the few followers that they have.

Human beings are social animals and we mostly want to belong. We are inherently afraid of being alone and we strive a lot to belong. Do not be ruled by that fear.

peace,

fadz

Things you should never say or do in public.

There really should be a boundary to what you can say or do in public especially in the workplace.

1. That you do not have a partner
So you have been failing to get yourself attached to someone. Who cares? Do not tell us of your desperation. Its not as if we can help you in any way. Join a dating website; it works better.

2. Tell us about your sexual life
So you really got down to the dirty basics last night. You finally got some action after months of drought. So what?! There are some who might not want to hear of your sexual exploits. And this is not something you can say in public. Here is a hint: tell your friends!

3. Tell us your household problems
OKAY so last night you had a fight with your neighbour, your partner. Tell your friends. (I do suppose you have some). Washing dirty linen in public never does anyone any good. We do it from time to time, but it is just not on.

4. Come on to someone
It is advisable to come on to someone in private or where there is no obvious audience. If you are rejected and there is an audience, the mortification might just bury you. And it is never advisable to try dating someone at work, if it does not work out... You know the kind of drama you get from soured relations in the work place.

5. Dance if you are a less than competent dancer
The gyrations of incompetent dancers are just sad. And the suggestive scandaluous dancing is just not on. It will give us a wrong impression of the kind of person you are. We will laugh and clap not because you are good, but because of the spectacle you will be making of yourself.

I understand most people did communication skills at O'level (registers for those who have forgotten). Why not use those skills so you do not annoy others?

peace,

fadz

Why you might think you are in a relationship when you are not

People have an inherent need to belong and feel loved. This need is  fulfilled by strong intimate relationship we forge as adults. As young adults, we look for Mr/Miss Right. We look and look until we realise that what we are looking for is akin to the holy grail. Then we settle for Mr/Miss right now. It is when we become desperate and are tired of looking that we might end up thinking we are in a relationship when we are not. You might think you are in a relationship when you are not for mainly two reasons.

1. You are desperate
You will believe anything and will see anything you want to see. You ignore signs which show that the other person is not really interested. You view their disinterest as if they are busy with other 'stuff'. All your friends are married with kids and you feel left out. They have schedules which involve partners when you do not even have one. Your relatives keep hinting that you are over the hill and feel pressured to just get someone. Anyone who shows a bit of interest and is passable will do. Which means you might end up with someone totally unsuited to your temperament and you will regret for the rest of your life.

2. You are not communicating
When someone says they are not ready to have a relationship then do not force them as you will end up having a relationship with yourself. When they introduce you to their friends (when they finally do) you are just a friend. That should tell you. You want commitment and they just want to fool around. You keep turning up at their place but they never come to visit you, not even when you pretend to be ill. If you do not call or text them, then there will be no communication. They never reply your emails, not even the hilarious ones. If you do not do any pushing nothing happens. You think you have a relationship and they think you are just friends.

It is best to sit down and really assess whether you are with someone or you are just clinging to them like a limpet. There is never a timeline to finding the one to spend the rest of your life with.

peace,

fadz

women who want drama

There must be something which happens the moment a woman gets married that messes up her psyche. Most women I know totally lose it when they get married, especially after a first baby. They condone what should not be condoned. They act like demented idiots. They seem to have a permanent psychotic mood shift. The things they do defy explanation. They break bread with dead events all the time, psychoanalysing events which they have no hope of changing.

I have three friends who shall serve to illustrate the insanity of women.


Gladys
Gladys' husband cheats on her regularly. She fights with him and then occasionally beats up the women. She works herself into a frenzy calling everyone inviting us to accompany her on her missions of justice. She is never happy unless there is some drama going on in her life. I think her husband does all her does just to get her goat. There was a time you know when Gladys used to  think logically. When she never went down into the mud to fight with the fools. It is sad and pathetic and is not as if she is going to change the situation. She lost her bargaining power the first day she raised her fists. Crazy. But not as crazy as Ruvimbo and Sindi.

Ruvimbo
Ruvimbo grew up in a loving home secure and stable. She got married to a bounder really. He treats her badly and makes no secret of the fact. Her injuries which were regular he just explains them away  as her punishment for not minding him. Everyone can see that she is on her way to the grave. She makes excuses for Patrick's bad behaviour and even sits in judgement of women who leave abusive husbands. I remember she refused to speak or acknowledge the presence of Tariro another friend who left her husband of seven years because she was tired of being a punching bag. Her reasoning is if she leaves, she is a failure. And will be a failure for the rest of her life. Mad. She might not even have that rest of the life that she thinks of. She spends most of her time talking about what happened in the past and how nice it was. Because our perspective of the past alters and the most recent past is dead ground, her periodic forays into the past changes with each visit.

Sindi
Sindi  is the craziest of the lot. She has a great husband who panders her every whim within reason. She of late has become a tyrant, her husband is a virtual prisoner. She refuses to let him out of her sight and he has to give an audit of his movements if they are not together. If he says something out of turn then he gets a verbal lashing. She is unreasonable verging on madness. The husband appears whipped but he is just trying to keep the peace. There used to be a time when she was the most promiscuous person I knew and it might be she fears her husband will behave the way she used to.

It is not all women who are like my three friends. There are some who defy logic; who are much worse and are difficult to live with. Is there something which happens to women the moment they get married that we should be aware of? Is there a course of treatment?

peace,

fadz

what type of parent are you?

The feelings of inadequacy that we have, the constant need for validation might stem from the way we were raised. If you find yourself in a relationship where you constantly need to be told how lovely you are and that you are loved, then you might not have have gotten enough love as a child or there were too many of you in your family for your parents' love to go around adequately. WE constantly need validation for our actions seeking approval for what we do and the decisions we make because we never got them in the first place.  Our parents' relationships account for the failure or success we make of our own relationships. We more often than not learn from our parents how we should or should not conduct ourselves and their relationships affect our lives profoundly.

That is why some of us find ourselves in the same toxic relationship that our parents had. There are different types of relationships which affect children and determine how they are going to turn out.

1. Loving and loyal
 Some parents provide a balance in their children's lives and love them equally. There are no known favourites. The parents themselves are loving and loyal to each other and as a result their children love others without reserve. Children brought up this way are least likely to become insufferable adults and are tolerant of others who are different. It helps also if the parents are knowledgeable about the world and promote diversity.

2. Judgemental
It does not matter how hard a child tries to excel, the effort will never be enough. The children are constantly compared to friend's and relative's children. If there are high achievers in other families, then the children will be in constant trouble.  There is constant need for validation and the love is grudgingly given. It costs to get any love from the parents. Children brought up this way will most likely equate love with monetary and material gain. They constantly monetise their attention and affection.

3. Cold and distant
Parents who do not know how to relate with their children and are also usually judgemental too. The chidren are emotionally retarded and do not know how to love. As adults they constantly sabotage their relationships because they find it difficult to show what they feel.

4. Abusive
This is inclusive of all verbal, sexual, financial and physical abuse. When a family is poor children are often aware that there is no money and do not trouble the parents unnecessarily. it is when there are delusions of grandeur that children grow up with unrealistic expectations.

5. Mollycodling
Children brought up this way grow up to be irritating adults; little tyrants - Hitlers and Stalins in the making, little wimps who cannot function without their parents. These children are also emotionally crippled and are incapable of becoming parents on their own without a support structure.

Of course there are some who are an exception to the rule. Those who are throwback to their upbringing. Some who become better inspite of their upbringing, some who are little monsters despite being brought up in a positively nurturing environment.

We are who we are because of how we were brought up. Our scars or lack of are a constant reminder of what we should be thankful of. So ask your self what type of parent you are or you want to be. How do you want your children to turn out? Will you be able to live with them? Will others be able to live with them?

peace,

fadz

The rains have descended

It is that time again; the time which farmers especially love and the lazy ones hate. If you do not like working in the fields, now is not a good time to visit the rural areas as you will be roped into helping in the ploughing. This is the time when the lazy ones suddenly become ill and the illnesses last until the end of the farming season. I do not like working in the fields at all. Anything to do with working with the soil is anathema to me.

After the intense heat of last week and part of this week, we were offered a respite on Tuesday. The heavens opened and we were awash with blessings. Soul sistas danced in the rain while those who are not cursed and ran for cover. Those who use soap as moisturiser had a hard time with soap in their eyes.

It is strange though how the moment there is a dense cloud cover or an indication that it is going to rain, Harare motorists just lose it and become animals. The congestion becomes a nightmare. And with the rains here, the roads which have for long been in a state of dis repair are going to deteriorate further. The potholes are enough to sink ships and people are going to have to set aside a bit of money to the repair of the axle and the replacement of the tyres.


So enjoy the rain and be wary of those suspicious pools of water on the roads.

peace,

fadz

'driving' in Harare

I am not a really 'green' and will only walk to work if I am too broke to fill up my tank. I live a 10 minute walk away from work and I am sure by not walking to work I am increasing my carbon footprint and worsening my unfit state. I complained a few months ago about how reckless Harare drivers are, and what a nightmare it is to drive in Harare. It used to be just specific parts of the city but now its freaking everywhere! I am over any road rage that I might have harboured still. Fuel is freaking expensive! Time is freaking expensive! And you spend two hours in traffic with your foot firmly on the clutch (or the brake pedal if you drive an automatic) for so long that by the time you get home you need a full body massage.

Yesterday I dropped my kids off at home and promptly backed into a stationary car which had parked behind me as the kids got out of the car. I had been thinking about the mountains of marking waiting for me at work and curtains I needed to make for a friend's house. I was tired, emotional and absentminded. Never looked to check there was noone or nothing behind me.

Talk about reckless! Not the person who parked behind me. No. Me! I was shocked. I had joined the rank of the faceless hundreds who regularly persecute others on the roads! I was so shaken that I almost left the car to walk back to work. But I like my sedentary lifestyle (although not the body that comes with it) and I gave in to the urge and drove back to work shaking all the way. Although there was no damage to my car or the one I backed into, the incident showed me that I need to rethink the way I relate with my surroundings and people on the road.

Driving is almost the same as life, negotiating (meandering through relations which are fraught with land mines), compromising (lowering your standards for the greater good), giving way (letting others have their way for the sake of peace), hitting a speed bump (those moments in life when your life just literary stops; loss, retrenchment, death, heartbreak or an event which makes take stock of your life), getting stopped to let others by (those times when we selfishly pursue our own agendas and someone gives us a reality check), and sometimes taking the favoured road (when you life is going just right). As with the traffic lights you stop, you are cautioned and you are free to go.

I will try not to shout at fellow motorists who up to now seemed to make stupid mistakes. My speed bump showed me that I too can make those mistakes I previously thought lame and stupid. Reality check.

peace,

fadz

when we cheat

A couple of years ago a friend (whom we shall call Yvonne) got pregnant by a man (Lovemore) she did not want to get married to for a number of reasons, the topmost being that he had no potential of becoming a good provider. Another friend (Tesla) advised her that she could tell one of her on/off/ on again boyfriends who had lots of money that they were responsible. I found it morally reprehensible and told Yvonne as much. Yvonne did not listen and ended up marrying Gift (one of the moneyed boyfriends). Two years into her marriage to Gift, Yvonne started seeing Lovemore on the sly.

It has become normal for men and women to cheat on their partners. There are some people who actually think it is quite normal and the in thing to fornicate left right and centre. Whilst some people find it disgusting to have more than one sexual/emotional partners, the human being is programmed to love over and over again. Which is the reason why it is easy for us to move on when we lose or are ditched by our loved ones. Which is why some of us are capable of being in love with more than one person at the same time. There is nothing wrong right?

Right.

It becomes wrong when other people in the relationship do not know that there are other players in the play. When we get into relationships, we have expectations. If one knows that the person they are 'dating' is also seeing other people when they are not with one, then one can make plans accordingly. If one is into a group thing or a polygamous set up; it would be beneficial for their partner to be aware of the fact. Once one is aware of the situation, it is highly likely there won't be fists flying and lots of tears on the encounter of a partner with one of their bit on the side.

People frown on open relationships but they are the healthiest when we get to the basics. If you know what your partner is doing and with whom, the fear and uncertainty that pervades most relationships is removed. It is when people lie and try to hurt each other that you end up with blood and stains on the floor.

If full disclosure is difficult and there is a pressing need to lie, then you might be in the wrong relationship. When you find yourself sneaking into the bathroom or sitting in your car in the dark to answer a call, the possibility is you want to have your cake and eat it too. In the end you end up with just too much drama. So when you decide to cheat, think if it is worth it. Incidentally, Yvonne and Gift are divorcing.


peace,

fadz

of gay people in zimbabwe

So the other day the Prime minister of Zimbabwe Morgan Tsvangirai said something in support of gay people in Zimbabwe. That there should be something in the constitution to protect gay rights. There was an uproar and the debate is still ongoing on the permissibility of a man of his stature saying such on national television.

The debate is christian based with the root in Genesis 18 where the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of fornication and iniquity. The ones who are gay will be punished according to Deuteronomy 28. In my opinion people should just worry about their own salvation and stop worrying about what other people do in their beds or out of with their bodies.Whether you have committed a 'small' sin or a 'big' one, a sin is still a sin.

Whilst being gay is a choice (or not) that someone makes, it does not figure that they want everyone to be gay. Just as a woman can turn down a proposition from a man in the street, so can anyone turn down overtures from anyone who is gay. I have always been of the opinion that those who are actively anti gay are closet gays themselves. It is unchristian to judge and persecute. Unchristian to hate. Hating gay people because homosexuality is a sin is as bad as committing any other sin. Will you really disown your own child if they turned out to be gay? As a nation we have developed a culture of intolerance that is frightening. For a nation that is extremely anti gay the men seem to love the skinny jeans and metro sexual fashions that have gay origins. Think on it!

Love your neighbour. Love yourself.


peace,

fadz

Freedom of worship?

A long time ago when I was still wet behind the ears, my sister once wrote,

    "Sometimes I think there is a devil in this house on a Sunday".

The reason was our mother got into a really nasty mood before we got to go to church owing to the fact that we dragged our feet and generally did not want to go. I was in secondary school then at a catholic school and had a surfeit of church going. The holidays were a respite from dancing to the tune of the bell and relief for my knees from the constant kneeling and standing up. I just wanted to lie in and chill. Mother never let us and our reluctance turned her nasty.

For a long time I could not get it. Church for me was torture and I especially hated the procession masses at Easter and such. My parents never let up until I had left home. Then I was free to do what I wanted. I had all the time to chill and lie in but habit saw me gravitating towards the church. I found solace in religion that in my fight with my parents I had not been too blind to see.

As a parent I was faced with the same problem that my parents had; to make sure that my kids got religion. My kids do like going to church and I do not have to force them. And the oldest once said she could not stand the way the pentecostal churches pray when I took them to one and I decided never to take them to another church. They will decide on that when they are old enough to make sound decisions. For now they will continue to be catholic like I am.

We talk of freedom of worship but do we practise what we preach? Do we let people who stay with us worship what they want or we force them to worship what we do?

peace,

fadz

dreams, fantasies,and rude awakening

So Dave won the South African Idols by a fine margin. He won. Proves that dreams do come true. The raw masculinity will be around for sale for sometime to come, God willing. And that I was right. (Okay it was a really good guess).

My husband's cousin was retrenched and started a chicken rearing business. Contract farming I think they call it. I was impressed with what he is doing. Not only does he not behave like other indigenous operators in the country, he has got more business sense than most people I know. He is salaried like his partner and employees and the profits made are geared towards expanding the business. He has a vision of owning a national business which rivals that of the giants Irvine's. I am sure he will do it if he keeps up the discipline that he has now. Maybe he will lose his way once he has pockets of money but I bet he wont.

It is often sad that we lose our way and fail to distinguish dreams from reality. As kids we have fantastic dreams; we dream of being truck drivers because we like the sound of the horn, we dream of being teachers because we want to beat up kids like we were beaten up by our teachers, we want to drive the garbage truck because we like the way other cars just make way for the big truck full of rubbish. We dream and dream and then we grow up and like they say, reality bites.


Dreams are achievable but there are fantasies. Very few of us can distinguish reality from the fantasies. We yearn for the forbidden, the unachievable because like little children we want to play with fire. When we fantasise, we do it because it makes us feel good. We take flights of fancy because reality is all so unfulfilling. But there should be boundaries. fantasies should stay like that. It is when we act on our fantasies that all hell breaks loose. That is when we hurt others and ourselves in the long run.

So ask yourself if the fantasy you have is really worth the risk.

Peace,

fadz

of men, women and not being able to let go

Anomaly (n): something different for the norm; irregularity or paradox
Woman (n): adult female human being, has qualities traditionally associated with women.

It has long been established and accepted that once a woman is married, then the entirety of her existence would be solely to ensure the happiness of her husband and children. If she does not please her husband, or does not have children; then she was not woman enough. So definition of woman in this case; loving, nurturing, generous, long - suffering and docile.

Then someone took into account that women far from being docile creatures with no single thought of their own, women were also quite tempestuous, vengeful and could get spectacularly get angry and coined the term, 'Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman.' Someone was even clever enough to name all really destructive storms, cyclones, hurricanes etc in women's names. Definition here, vengeful, destructive, unreasonable, unstable.

The two definitions combined do describe women, with a few contraries. There is a balance in the craziness and the sanity. Women through the ages have tried their best to live up to the stereotype more fool them. Take for example my good friend Taneta whose husband Gift is cheating on her. Her mother - in - law says it is because she has not learnt to please Gift. The cheating is so blatant that everyone knows if he is not home he is with one of his women. Even Taneta knows. She chooses to be unreasonable and occasionally goes to beat up the women. How crazy is that? It's not as if by beating the women up, Gift will stop his lecherous ways.

Then there is Monica who chooses to ignore her partner's wicked ways. She believes that things will turn out well in the end. But really? With the whole world awash with scary diseases, someone just wants to court disaster.

Monica and Taneta are just representation of the general female psyche; those who refuse to see the truth. There are some however who even when confronted with solid evidence, still will not go. They claim to want to stay for the sake of the children. What they are really saying is they are not financially independent and so will not want to leave, because the leaving just means you are taking the children with you. You can not leave the kids because we will look at you and judge you.

There are a few who defy logic and convention; the ones who will not tolerate the sport and just leave. There are some who even leave the kids with the husband. We sit on our moral high horses and judge them not because we are better but because we are less and too cowardly to do the same. We are too afraid to let go.

Then my friend Mercy whose boyfriend Goddy refused to let go when she kicked him out (she obviously did not read my tips on how to break up with someone) and kept harassing her so much that she eventually had to have the police on his case. We believe we can not take refuge in the law because someday we might want to get back with the beloved. We forget we are important too.

We get into relationships with unsuitable people but think we can change them. We refuse to take stock of our lives and think logically and live wretched lives because of it. We hold on to unfulfilled, toxic relationships because we are too scared. Should we really?

peace,

fadz

Get on with it already!

My father once said that people should be more honest at funerals because the dead don't sue. At funerals we lie because we do not want to speak ill of the dead. That is when it starts. Before the year is out, no one will remember the bad done by the dearly departed. Maybe it is a sense of self preservation, purely selfish reasons (we do not want people to say bad things about us when we die) or we cannot get past our pain to acknowledge that our dearly departed did bad things in their short (or not so short) life. Whatever the reasons, we lie to our selves and to everyone around us.

Someone told me that the relationships that we have today are because of the things that were never said. Wow. So who wants relationships based on lies? Certainly not me. I would rather someone told me the truth about how they feel about me. That is what I do. It's better that way; you won't constantly visit me if you know I find you exceedingly annoying. And there won't be any whispered confessions at a dark corner or the water cooler. This constant tiptoeing around people's feelings and perceived mental states like it is a minefield is rather tedious.

When you discover that say your husband has been cheating on you; those times when he said he had to work, had to go out of town on business, he was actually getting it on with another woman, everything that he ever said to you becomes suspect. When he said he loved you, he was lying. When he said he had to see someone about a deal, he was lying. When he supposedly went to visit his sick co worker he was lying. You can never trust them again.

People lie for a variety of reasons.

1. Self preservation. Some people believe if they lie, they will get into less trouble. I learnt at an early age that it was much better to tell my mother the truth, than to let her extract it out of you. Much less traumatic.


 2. Fear. OK so maybe you view the person you are lying to as a big bad wolf; what are you doing in their orbit? Get a life and move away from them.

3. To seek attention. While we might feel sorry for you when we discover that you lied about your relationship to the popular so and so, we will reject you eventually which is not you were looking for in the first place. We will like you for being who you are. If not there might be somebody who just might or you could see a therapist.

4. To get out of doing something. If you say you don't want to come to my party because maybe it just not your thing or because you do not feel like it, I might be hurt but I will get over it.

5. Because you want to be lied to. When someone lies to you and you enjoy it they are bound to lie to you all the time.

People tie themselves in knots lying and if you are like me you will just watch until they collapse from their efforts. Much more fun than to let them fool you. You let them spin the yarn and spin it and spin it and spin it making a fool of themselves each time. And you can tell a person is lying if they do a combination of any of the following;

1. they cannot look you in the eye
2. they keep repeating the story they told you about why they did what they did
3. you do not ask them why they are late and they offer unsolicited answers to unasked questions
4. they sound just a tiny bit defensive when you ask why they did what they did or why they did not do what they were supposed to do
5. they say they did not eat the jam when they have jam streaking their lips.

But every once in a while you get the pathological liars whose hearts do not start beating faster just as they start lying but you know even then. While on average people lie upwards of once every 3 minutes, there are people who lie so much that they can no longer tell the truth. They even begin to believe the lies. How sad!

The bottom line is we lie and get lied to because we enjoy it. Don't be ashamed if you get caught in a lie, my Level teacher Mr Chivhungwa was fond of saying if its shameful don't do it!

peace,


fadz

weaves, mud, jumpsuits and a whole lot of drama

Someone must have sat up in the middle of the night and thought of a great way to exploit the BLACK woman. Before long we were convinced that the way we look is not acceptable and needs alteration. And lets face it, we are insecure about our looks. The whole concept revolves around misinformation, illusion and subterfuge. Not on the part of the manufacturer but the woman herself.

First it was the permanent wave or the perm. It involved the application of harsh chemicals to the hair to create to illusion of the wave. My father once said the process which included hours sitting under some contraption, was like the women were being launched into space. The hair was often greasy and smelled quite a bit. As did the lotions which one needed to maintain the look. If you got on to a chicken bus with lots of women with their perms, and the journey was long, you would smell like you had had the perm yourself.

Then came the relaxers lye and non lye based. The lye based ones were really the pits. You had to make sure the hair was unwashed for at least 3 days prior to the treatment. Otherwise extensive hair loss, scalp damage and universal alopecia would occur. The non lye based relaxers were no better but the "cooking" process was much less traumatic. But the process needs to be repeated every 6 - 8 weeks to maintain a consistent look and prevent hair breakage. Which means more money spend on the hair. Not counting the numerous trips you have to make to the salon in between to get the set, the oil treatment etc. A big hole in your pocket!

Now we have the weave. Oh the joys of the weave! You have one and it is sewn on properly, you will look like you were born like that. If its synthetic, and you have skin like mine you will get a rash which people might mistake for some eruption which has got nothing to do with the weave. This is a cheaper option though and will set you back around $25 for both the weave and the braiding. The hundred percent human hair is rather pricey and might set you back upwards of $300 for just the weave. Most weaves look really skanky after two weeks which necessitates another trip to the salon. And a bigger hole in your pocket!

It has become necessary to encourage women to apply foundation creams, concealers, face powders to maintain the illusion of flawless beauty. Some women wear so much makeup it is difficult to tell where their skin begins. So much make up it looks like mud. Then the skin lightening creams which make you look almost white. Diproson, carolite, ambi, betamethasone etc are applied to lighten the skin. These chemicals weaken the structure of the skin and in the event that they are not available the blemishes are frightening especially on the face.

We have also become fashion victims following every whim, fad or trend with mindless disregard of our pockets. Of particular interest is the legging, jegging and jumpsuit trend. If we can get away with it, we will wear leggings with everything. Shorts (the ridiculously short ones which should never be worn in public anyway), skirts (especially the cheerleader variety) dresses, trousers... We even wear them to bed! And those who are preggers think its a fashion statement to wear leggings and leggings even showing their swollen fronts. Eew! The jeggings at times look rather shameful and scandalous especially if worn by fat people like me. Then you can see the cellulite and the unappealing bumps and dips.

Why anyone thought the black woman could pull off the jumpsuit I will never know. First it looks great on Asian women because we have always known them to wear harem pants and we are used to it. Second, our bodies with those inflated behinds and large hips just look ridiculous and scandalous. It was a great laugh at first but now it just looks sad. You look like you are going to start belly dancing at any moment!

Think of the amount of money you could save if you just  believe you are beautiful and do not need to look like someone you are not.

peace,

fadz

to love a woman

An hour or so ago, I went to pick up my kids from school. They take forever to come to the car and sometimes they ignore me hoping to prolong the playtime. I usually get into the playground and haul them to the car. Today I let them be. I was feeling nostalgic so I played a bit of music from yesteryear. And Bryan Adams got me thinking: how many men have really loved their women? According to Bryan Adams, you have not really loved your woman if you have not done the following:

1. known her deep inside
2. heard her every thought
3. seen her every dream
4. given her wings when she needs to fly
5. told her she is really wanted
6. told her she is the one
7. told her its going to last forever
8. let her hold you till until you know how she needs to be loved
9. breathed her, tasted her, until you could feel her in your blood
10. shown her a little tenderness.

Now I know this is rather difficult and most of the time African men think it is a sign of weakness to show a woman that she is really loved. They urge each other on on how to best ill - treat women. The suggestions they give each other would be hilarious if they were not so frightening. I suppose that is the legacy of colonialism which we will need to address.

This might sound like sentimental drivel, but a woman really needs to be loved. If you show her a bit of love, she will be there for you right to the end taking good care of you.

Don't listen to friends who tell you you need to show a woman her place (she will know it if you treat her right), do not entertain thoughts of beating her up for whatever reason (I know there are women who love getting a beating every now and again - the masochists - I am not referring to those) because nothing kills a woman's spirit like a beating and verbal abuse, do not cheat on her (if you feel the need to cheat, you did not love her in the first place!) and cherish her. A woman is like a flower and needs a lot of attention; attend to her and she will bloom, ignore and neglect her and she will wilt and die. And so her love also dies.

And remember every woman is different, know her and what makes her happy and you are half way there. Just because your mother tolerated your father's sport, do not think your woman will tolerate the same thing. You do not want to spent the rest of your life with someone who is with you just because she is too broke to manage on her own.

So if you are a man ask yourself if you know your woman, know her dreams and what makes her happy. If you are a woman do tell if you have ever felt loved!


love and peace,

fadz

reality tv

We are insincere. We are untruthful. We are fanciful.

 Which is why we invented television. Television is the summation of who we are as people. Our morals, obligations and perceptions. Which is why I hate reality tv so much. It depicts everyone who watches as glorying in the pain and humiliation of others. We are voyuers getting our thrills on demand no different from the perverts who do this for sexual gratification. Peeping toms who it has been decided have the license, nay permission to watch other people live their lives and take pleasure from it. Why we have even invented competitions around the same concept!

This is what wikipedia says about reality tv:
The genre covers a wide range of television programming formats, from game show or quiz shows which resemble the frantic, often demeaning Japanese variety show shows produced in Japan in the 1980s and 1990s (such as Gaki no tsukai), to surveillance- or voyeurism-focused productions such as Big Brother.
Reality television frequently portrays a modified and highly influenced form of reality, at times utilizing sensationalism to attract audience viewers and increase advertising revenue profits. Participants are often placed in exotic locations or abnormal situations, and are often persuaded to act in specific scripted ways by off-screen "story editors" or "segment television producers", with the portrayal of events and speech manipulated and contrived to create an illusion of reality through direction and post-production editing techniques.

Life is never tidy. It is very dirty, messy even and cannot be compartmentalised. It is rather difficult to confine all impressions into spaces infinitely smaller than the life itself. No event is too small, fleeting or insignificant that it should be missed. We do not need scripted reality. E. M. Forster wrote, "Inside a cocoon of work or social obligation, the human spirit slumbers for the most part, registering the distinction between pleasure and pain, but not nearly as alert as we pretend,"  and "When real things are so wonderful, what is the use of pretending?"

And there is a lot of pretending. Scripts and editing. There is no reality. There are rehearsals off camera and no surprises. Lies.

There are endless hours spend doing nothing in a particularly thrilling day. When nothing happens. Nothing. Something that reality shows fail to acknowledge! So if we are going to pretend let us do so properly with enough pomp to ensure everyone is aware that this is not real.


peace,

fadz

classic ways to break up with someone

Breaking up with someone is never easy especially if you have been in a long term relationship. You wrestle with yourself, finally convince yourself that the break up is what you really want and you are faced with a new dilemma; how to break it gently with the other person. Here are some of the ways you can use to break up with your beloved:

1. A Note on the dressing table
If you don't have one (a dressing table), you can just chuck the note on the pillow, table, fridge or the shoe rack. You just clear out your stuff and steal off into the night like a thief. But this only works if the place is not yours and you have a temporary place to stay while you sort yourself out. If the place is yours you might need to consider one of the other methods.


2. Confrontation
This is not for the fainthearted. If the other person has a dominant personality you might think of shelving this idea. It is sometimes difficult to stand your ground if you have a chicken personality. They (the beloved) will often try to convince you to stay, as in stay in the relationship. You might be convinced that what you have decided is not good for you, that you will not amount to anything without them. You need to be strong if you are to succeed in your endeavour. Just say what needs to be said and sweep out of the room (or into one) so there are no comebacks. As  precaution, do not go into secluded places, get into their car and some such thing. People have been known to be left far from home with no money to get back. And have the police on speed dial in the event the beloved takes the news the wrong way. If you fail to summon enough courage you might consider any of the following.

3. SMS
Send an sms telling them its over, divert all voice calls and make sure there is no other way they can reach you. This might necessitate your switching off the said phone for a number of days. Not a good idea though if the phone is a business phone. Tell your friends not to answer any calls from the beloved and make sure everyone is on the same page.It's cowardly yes, but self - preservation is more important. You might consider also changing your locks and informing everyone that you are no longer an item just so he/she will be too ashamed to chase after you. This requires diligence, lots of airtime and a bit of cash for emergency repairs to your person or property.(Remember the beloved might become angry with the situation and decide on inflicting some grievous bodily harm).


4. Writing on their face book wall
This is insensitive and shameful but it will get the job done. Don't inbox the person. No that will not do. Write on their wall so the whole world can see and share their shame. There is nothing as shameful as finding out that you have been ditched on a public platform. They will take time out to lick their wounds and will never want to speak to you ever again. Or alternatively just change your status to single. Don't flirt with the 'it's complicated' option as this will send mixed messages. Only do this if the beloved has been especially nasty.

5. Cheat on them.
Only do this if you know that your partner will not tolerate it and make sure they find out about it. That way they will break up with you and you wont have to do any serious soul searching. Be careful with this option though as this has a tendency to backfire. And make sure the cheating is very superficial with no sex involved as this just complicates things. You might end up getting a different kind of problem. You know what they say about rebound relationships.



If these methods do not work, do not despair. I am going to work on some foolproof ways to get rid of the beloved.

peace,




fadz

Sharing your space

Depending on the type of family you grew up in, sharing your personal space might be a big problem which might lead to a breakdown in relationships and communication. It might seem insensitive to suggest that like people should get hitched but at the end of the day it is the differences that break us.

I am the first of six children born of a teacher and a nurse so our home life was very middle - class. Our mother was not too keen to let us play with kids from next door because apparently there enough of us in the house to play with. The six of us were in each other's faces for most of the day that there was no privacy at all. I remember that to get any chance to read (we are all voracious readers - encouraged by both parents) one had to get into the toilet and sit for possibly an hour or so and read and read. The toilet also became the refuge for those who wanted to shirk their chores. It became such a haven in the chaos that was our home that it was eventually named the 'refugee camp'.

Watching television and listening to the radio was a nightmare. We could never agree on what to watch. The person who got the remote control first controlled what everyone watched for the rest of the day. And if you got the remote you had to be very careful that you never put it down for even a second as you could relinquish your privileges just like that. If you needed a bathroom break you had to take it with you. The remote came to symbolise power.

The music was slightly better as we were brought up on a staple of Thin Lizzy, Bad Company etc and anything anyone who got to the radio first decided on was tolerable. But there was a period when the youngest tortured us with Thin Lizzy  everyday for weeks. And the time he wanted to watch The Lion King all day long. I forgot to mention that being the youngest meant you had all privileges. You just had to cry and mother would tell everyone to let you have your way.

I swore as I grew up that I was going to get me a big house, no kids and have plenty of time to listen to what I want. Don't get me wrong; I do not dislike my siblings or the way i grew up. Quite the contrary really. I am who I am today because of my past. I discovered that personal space is really overrated and I cannot do without a lot of people in my house.

But people who grew up in small families are really anal about personal space and find it difficult, nay impossible to share space. They really get hectic about stuff which belongs to them and most of the time get upset over what some of us think are petty issues.

Did you know that if you have two children or less, your house can stay spic and span the whole day long? The children stay clean all day long? You don't have to clean up after them because, wonder of wonders, they clean up after themselves? My house used to be a model home when I had 2 kids. When I got the third I lost my energy and they overpowered me. Most of the time for about 3 times a day the house looks like a tornado passed through it. This is mostly around mealtimes. I cannot take my kids visiting to other people's homes unless they also have kids. I do not want to sour relationships because i am inconsiderate and think just because someone has a kid they can tolerate my horde.

There are people who visit with their children who wet their beds or have a predilection towards lighting fires. Now in our culture you can just turn up at a relative or friend's home with your kids for an unspecified period and all will be well. We do not think of how this visit will affect the residents of the house. Never mind the fact that they have not proofed their homes of bed wetters and little arsonists. If you complain, you are a bad host. If you do not say anything, you become a prisoner in your own home. It becomes a no - win situation.

Be considerate and inform your intended hosts that you are going to visit. I do not mind visitors but I mind not being informed of the visit beforehand, throws everything off kilter and messes my plans.

The sharing of personal space should be something you need to consider when you choose a partner because it will determine how long your relationship will last. Can you stay with someone who wants everything just so and their shoes marching in a certain order? Will they mind  if say my sister visits and hogs the bathroom for hours on end? I take a book into the bathroom almost all the time whatever business I am doing, will this make my partner go crazy? You take my books from me and I just might go mad. And I know once you go mad there is no coming back.

Be considerate and do not compromise as something will give eventually.


peace,

fadz

what type of person are you?

If you ask anyone what type of person they are, they will usually lie and say only the positive. People are rarely able to describe themselves because while we know other people well, we do not know ourselves at all. Jacques Rigaut a French poet once said "Don't forget that I cannot see myself, that my role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror".

Rigaut was probably talking about the outer self. How you view your features is subjective, but how you look at the real you is a matter of importance. Knowing who you really are will save you a lot of heartache and others a lot of pain.

Take for example what happened to me.
A couple of weeks ago I went to a party. The punch was nice and I had a bit too much more than I can usually handle. One person (who must needs remain nameless - I never give up a source unless the source does not mind) asked me about a relative. I started ranting and saying all sorts of rubbish.

Now, if I had been someone , I would say it was the punch talking and that I did not know what I was saying. But that will be a lie. I was quite alright sans the inhibitions which might have stopped me at any other time. A few days after the fated party I met the cousin I had ranted about and she asked me about what I had said (like we are in kindergarten!). She probably had the idea that she would shame me into retracting my words. Consequently she left more upset than when she arrived. I am not the type of person who never say what they do not mean and I never say what I cannot repeat. (Unless I am threatened with grievous bodily harm) Saves a lot of heartache and loss in translation.

 This got me thinking that maybe I am not an especially nice person. I will not lie and say I will change because I am not going. That is me. I acknowledge that I might be difficult to live with even. I sometimes modify my words to spare other people's pain.



How many are aware of who they really are? Do you know the type of person you are?


peace,

fadz

Dating someone much younger

A friend has just started dating a guy who is 10 years her junior. They are very romantic and I find it very annoying because at my age there are certain things which are just that: annoying. Maybe I am just a tiny bit jealous and feel a bit sore that I have not done the same with my partner in a long time. What with the kids and the pressures of being responsible to three tiny human beings, the romance is just not what it used to be. They seem to be besotted with each other. They call each other a zillion times everyday and go on long walks in the evening

Chido's relationship with Greg has brought a few things to light. Not all of them very encouraging though. Here are some of the things that you need to consider if you are to date someone younger.

1. Parties and clubbing. Remember the last time you went clubbing and really let go and had tons of fun? This might have faded into some distant memory along with platforms and singing along to Ace of Base but let me remind you of the fun you had; carefree and clean fun which left you exhausted and exhilarated. Date someone younger and you might just get your groove back. But there is a downside: remember that time when you could run a 100metres in under a minute and still go on to run another 100metres? You cannot do that now and keep your dignity. Just as you cannot last a night of psyched intense senseless clubbing. But don't let me stop you; people have been known to die with smiles on their faces.

2. Feeling Young. It's catching; you hang around young people  and you will start to feel young again. I know because I am a high school teacher and the students  make me feel young. And remember you are as young as you feel. There is no downside to this.

3. The Limelight. You get into a room and people notice you. They talk about you and whisper about you. They envy you and wish they were you. But remember it's not always a good thing. They might even be laughing at you. Remember to be strong and let their snickers wash over you. After all it was your decision and you are supposed to be having fun.


4. The SEX. You can be adventurous and explore those things which you never thought you could. The sex can be great almost 70% of the time. The down side is the 30% crappy sex but I guess you can always work on that.

5. You can get away with anything. If you stroll in the park, kissing and holding hands; people just look at you condescendingly like you are mad but they will not say anything at all. Clubs and certain venues become open to you when previously they were not. It becomes permissible to do absolutely anything. Everything is placed at the door of the folly of youth. And be honest, there is no downside to this.

6. The clothes. Please throw away those yesteryear clothes that you inherited from your dead grandmother, aunt, sister etc. You need to come down to level of the person you are dating and that means a complete wardrobe change. You will require pots of money and a certain grit. If you hold on to those grandpa, granny clothes you will look your age! Downside? Goodness I do not even know where to start! Try stuffing yourself into some of the ridiculous clothes without flossing your behind and giving yourself a hernia!

If you are not in a relationship and are thinking of entering the cutthroat world of dating, consider someone young and have an adventure of a lifetime. I wish Chido joy and happy hunting guys.

love,

fadz

of used Japanese cars

After the headline in the herald of the deadline about the used Japanese cars older than 5 years, there has been a lot of debate on the permissibility of such an action. There have been water cooler  debates on what this means. One colleague said it is a ploy by the rich to make sure that the poor stay poor and do not own cars. Another said it is a way of punishing people who do not own cars and cannot afford the pricey new cars. Someone even said ZIMRA (Zimbabwe Revenue Authority) has made pockets of money and they are just tired.

Has anyone really thought of the impact those second, third, fourth hand cars have on our economy, environment? They will eventually break down beyond repair and will litter the country with unsightly 'scrappers'. Are there places designated for scrap yards? Do we have the necessary equipment and plants to recycle those used cars? Because we are going to need them soon! When they break down there is need for costly parts which need to be imported leading to further erosion of much needed money. The government is cash strapped.

The problem with us Zimbabweans is that we are selfish beyond the pale. We think only of instant gratification and disregard the impact of our actions. Its always me me me me, never about the greater good. We never think beyond today, beyond now. We have become obsessed with cheap imports (and we love anything foreign bless our greedy little hearts) which is why other nations take advantage of us.

We have become the dumping ground for expired medicine, skin lightening creams that are illegal in the developing countries because of health hazards, unwanted cars which they do not have the capacity or inclination to recycle and cheap and sometimes unhealthy goods  which have become the bane of our lives and economy.

Has anyone seen the kind of congestion on the roads at all hours in Harare? You can hardly move. Our roads do not have the capacity to handle the volumes of traffic now in the city. If you leave home after 07.30 and you want to get into town then you can forget about getting to work early. Whilst it might seem callous, unkind even, the government has to be cruel to be kind and I hope that deadline stays.

witchcraft and juju

There have been many stories of witchcraft in the media and the grapevine of late. Men raped at gun and snake point, children kidnapped and killed for muti, people's intestines eaten whilst they are alive, runyoka and all sorts of weird stories that you hear around the proverbial water cooler. Is the witchcraft a symptom of something underlying in our society? Have people become so greedy and lazy that they have to resort to witchcraft to make a success of their lives? a

We are a brand conscious society driven more by greed and status than honest work. We have become lazy and do not want to work if we can help it. If we could be paid for not doing anything so much the better. Thank god we are not a welfare society, else the government would really be bankrupt.

Some have resorted to witchcraft and goblins to become wealthy. Did you know that someone who has got an income of at least $50 000 per year and one who has an income of $1 000 000 have got the same amount of happiness? Happiness is mostly about security and having no worries about where the food is coming from and if you are going to get your next meal. When it stops being about happiness and is about accumulating wealth, it is pure greed. That is when people resort to witchcraft and juju because honest work is just too hard.

It is my understanding that there are certain unsavoury details  that you have to live with for the juju to work. Things like feeding snakes human blood, watering flowers with milk (milking?), preparing mealie - meal porridge for phantoms. Why would you want to spent the rest of your natural or unnatural life playing court to some frightening little goblin or some snake that keeps growing? Or feeding some invisible apparition? What is to stop that 'thing' from turning on you? And there have been undocumented incidents of such. Would you want to live your life with such uncertainty?

What happened to honest hard work? Yes the stars have not been shining on us for the past few years; the con men and illegal miners are the ones who have been prospering. But do you remember the satisfaction you got for a good job well done? wouldn't you want to feel the same again? In this world gone mad, a dog eat dog (or human eat another humans intestines) world this might seem stupid, brain dead even, but consider your options. Do you want to die honest or dishonest? Do you not fear for your poor soul?

It does not help that the ordinary person who does not own a car, will rather 'die' than ride in a so so car. I have friends who will not get on a lift which is not a popular brand. Being brand conscious has even affected the hitchhiker! Word: if you want a nice ride buy your own!

So enough talk about witches and goblins. We are the goblins; with our greed and our laziness. Get off those behinds and do some honest work. You just might sleep soundly at night.

peace,


fadz

do not mollycodle your kids

Mollycoddle
Verb: Treat someone very indulgently or protectively.
Noun: An effeminate or ineffectual man or boy.

It seems the in thing to let children do what they want and shelter them from the harsh realities of life. New - money parents go out of their way to 'baby' their kids. Their reasoning is that if you listen to your children and you reason with them, they will turn into well rounded adults. As men, the boys will be more understanding and helpful to their partners.

I think not. 

If anything they will turn into very irritating touchy - feely people who annoy us no end. Irritating adults who have no back bone and are seriously annoying. That is not counting the fact that they want to reason everything out, cannot fight - and who does not want a really dirty fight every once in a while? - and they give therapists too much work.

I was raised the traditional way with no sparing of the rod and turned out just fine. My parents rarely listened to me and their word was law. I might not have appreciated it then and probably secretly thought they were not my parents, but I am the stronger for it. I am not saying that we should abuse our kids - quite the contrary really. We need to listen to the kids and get their point of view but there are times when the child needs to be given a thorough beating to set them straight. Too much time is spent thinking about our children's feelings that we forget that we matter too. It gets to the point where we are slaves to our ids' whims, we become run down and need therapy because we do not lay down the law!

So the child was denied permission to have a sleepover with friends just because - so what? I do not to give a reason why and I do not want to have a bunch of kids running around my house giving me grief because I am tired and need my me time. Should I sacrifice the little bit of myself that I have left just because I need to shelter my kids? I think not. My kids will get what I can give them because that is what I can! 

A friend will not allow her kids to speak shona or any vernacular language because she thinks its a low class notion. According to her wealthy educated people speak English. She does not take her kids to the rural areas because it does their constitutions ill. I can not stand her kids Iam sorry to say. Their whining and constant demands. They irritate me and are socially inept; little Hitlers in the making. My friend looks at them indulgently and is proud that her kids are difficult.

When we raise our kids, think of how they are going to relate with the outside world . It's survival of the fittest and you might want your kids to survive. If you still think you want to mollycoddle your kids then read articles on these two sites and you might rethink: www.independent.co.uk, www.mirror.co.uk